MAXIMize the Moment Junior Volume 1, Issue 3

Story

Tori Silverman is my best friend. We're always together. Normally, Tori is carefree and happy, but today she seems so sad. When I ask her what's wrong, I can hardly believe the answer. Tori's dad is moving out.

What should I say? How can I make her feel better? Maybe I should try to make her laugh. Or I could talk about other things to get her mind off everything. What can I do to help her?

Then I remember when Uncle Jack died. I didn't really know him well, but I felt bad for my cousin. I didn't know what to do to help her.

"Honey," my mom said, "Sometimes being a good friend means being with, not doing for. Just allowing Sara to be sad right now will do more for her than you could ever know. You want to see her smile again, to hear her laugh like everything is okay. But, everything is not okay. If she has to pretend like it is, she's going to feel more alone than she already does."

I realize that my mother's words apply here as well. Even though no one has died, Tori is hurting and I need to do what I can to help her. I don't want her to feel alone. I may not be able to do anything more for her than just be with her, but maybe that's the best support I can give her right now because "Sometimes being a good friend means being with, not doing for."  

Homeroom Discussion Information

• When you are going through a hard time, how would you like others to show their support?
  How do you let other people know what you need?
• s it harder to be a good friend during good times or bad times? Why?
• Why do you think it is so hard to watch others be sad?
• Many people find it hard to even ask someone who is hurting how he/she is doing. Why do you think something so simple might be uncomfortable for people?
• Often people who are hurting say that they feel alone because of their pain. Why do you think that is?
• How can you help someone who is hurting so he/she feels less alone?
• What are some other difficult and painful experiences a friend might have to go through?
• How can you find out if your friend does want you to cheer him/her up?
• How do you know when you need to do something for them?

Home-Use Information

Five tips for maxim-izing your family time

• Have the conversation at a time that everyone agrees upon. Schedule a time in advance, if possible, and let your child get mentally ready for the conversation.
• Talking about painful situations such as divorce can be hard for any one at any age. Be patient with yourself and your child. Realize that the conversation is important and worthwhile, even though it is difficult.
• Provide examples of times of tragedy in your life and how you worked through them. How did the people around you help and support you? How could they have been more effective in supporting you?
• Try to come up with a list of things that you can do to help others in pain. List ways to meet their needs during times of struggle.
• Discuss parts of the grieving process and how it can relate to other disappointments in life. You may want to discuss how divorce how impacted your family and/or the families of other people close to you. Identify ways to help people who are in various stages of grief. One helpful site on the stages of grief is http://www.york-united-kingdom.co.uk/funerals/grief/

Maxim

• "Sometimes being a good friend means being with, not doing for."
  Anonymous

Character points

• Support - I give help when I can and in ways that others need.
• Empathy - I try to understand others by looking at the world through their eyes.
• Caring - I help others because the concerns of others are important to me.
• Sensitivity - I am aware of the wants and needs of those around me.
• Concern - I try to help others; I do what is best for them, not just what is easiest for me.
• Compassion-I am willing to share the joys and pains of others.

Discussion starters

• What do you think of the story that was read at school today?
• How would you want someone to be a good friend to you if you were going through a painful time?
• How would you let the people around you know how you are feeling?
• How would you want us as a family to work through hard times?
• What can we, as parents, do to help you through difficult times?
• How can we, as parents, know when you need space or time to deal with things by yourself?
• Can you think of a time when we, as a family, had to deal with a really hard time?
• What was good about how we handled the situation? What could we have done better and how?
• What is the best way for those around you to help you when you are feeling lonely? angry? discouraged?
• How should you approach others when they are going through painful times?
  What does it mean to be a good friend?
• When is it most difficult to be a good friend? Why?

Related Links

• Dealing with Change: Divorce and Children
  http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm00/fs10.html
• Teachers, Parents Can Help Children Dealing with Stress
  http://www.cahe.nmsu.edu/news/1995/122095_stress.html
• The Stages of Grief
  http://www.saf.uwplatt.edu/counsel/depress/griefstg.htm

Be sure to acknowledge the courage your children show in talking with you about these issues.