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MAXIMize the Moment Volume 1, Issue 16

MAXIMize the Moment Volume 1, Issue 16

February 11, 2002
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MAXIMize the Moment

Now it's time to MAXIMize the Moment!

Usually the guys on the team are pretty cool. But they can be immature or chauvinistic— and they have a tendency to feed off one another. Today is no exception.

Several of the guys are sharing stories of their exploits with the girls they're dating. Paul is being particularly vivid while describing his recent exploits with Emma.

The inevitable question comes, "So, Darrell, has anything changed with Denise?"

Paul's couldn't care less about our relationship. He just wants to know if Denise and I have changed our minds. Denise and I have set boundaries— we've decided what's appropriate and we make an effort to stick to it. Paul thinks I'm naïve and that I let Denise have too much power. I think Denise and I intimidate him. He can't fathom a relationship with a woman that's about caring. Using he understands, love he does not.

And now the ball is in my court. How to dodge it this time?

Then I realize that I don't need to. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm honest with myself and treat Denise with respect. The real lie, the really cowardly thing to do would be to put up with more of this talk. My father always tells me that "You're either part of the solution or part of the problem." He's right, too. If I evade Paul's question, I'm still saying that he has the right to ask it. Worse, I'm passively accepting the idea that relationships are all about being physical, that it's okay to think of women as objects to be used.

I know that I am either going to be part of the problem or part of the solution. It's time to take a stand—for myself, for Denise, for all the women that Paul has ever dated.

"Paul, let me ask you some things: what if Denise were your sister? How would you want me to treat her? And Emma: what if you were her dad? Would you want some guy talking about your little girl like that? How would you feel if found out that, way back when your mom was in school, guys treated her like you treat Emma?"

Paul is stunned. I wish I could say that he's learned his lesson, that he won't talk about women like that again, that he won't use them anymore. I can, say, though, that he and every other guy on this bus knows that I won't be a part of it, that I won't just sit there and let it happen—that I intend to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

This week's maxim is "You're either part of the solution or part of the problem."

Teacher Information

Maxim

  • "You're either part of the solution or part of the problem."
    Eldridge Cleaver

Featured character trait

  • Justice — I am aware of each person's dignity and work to ensure that all people are treated in a way that honors their innate worth.

Character points (for substitution if this week's trait isn't one of your school's core values)

  • Respect — I acknowledge the innate dignity of each person and my actions reflect my beliefs.
  • Leadership — I am able to take charge and strive to be a good example.
  • Honor — I recognize the difference between right and wrong and, as result, treat myself and others with respect.
  • Fortitude — I have the strength to live by my convictions.
  • Courage— I am willing to do what is difficult.
  • Integrity — I live out my values in all areas of my life so others can rely upon and trust me.
  • Responsibility — I recognize my duty and honor it.

Discussion starters / journal writing prompts

  • Why was it so important to Darrell that he stand up for Denise and Emma?
  • If Emma and the other girls never found out what the boys were saying about them, would the conversation still be wrong? Why?
  • Why is this conversation harmful to the boys as well?
  • Does this scenario seem realistic to you? To what extent?
  • How do you feel about the conversation that the boys were having?
  • How would you feel if, instead of talking about girls, the boys had been speaking in a derogatory manner about people from a different race? of a different religion? people with disabilities? people who are homosexual?
  • Does it matter which group of people are being put down and degraded?
  • List some words that are used frequently that are hurtful to others. (some examples might be "retarded" or "ghetto"). What is hurtful about these words? What should we do if we hear someone use these kinds of words?
  • How do you feel when you hear people use derogatory language? How might if affect others' impressions of you if you make derogatory comments?
  • The author of this week's maxim is a very controversial and interesting figure. At various points in his life, he was a convicted rapist, a leader in the Black Panther party, ran for political office as a Republican, became a born-again Christian, and struggled with drug abuse. Despite the ups and downs of his past, Cleaver was able to convey a great truth in today's maxim. How important is the source of a truth?
  • Is it appropriate or inappropriate to believe in words spoken by someone you don't entirely agree with?
  • At one point does a person's own history make him/her worthy of skepticism? What, in your mind can be overlooked or taken into consideration? What cannot?

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