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MAXIMize the Moment Volume 1, Issue 23

MAXIMize the Moment Volume 1, Issue 23

April 1, 2002
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MAXIMize the Moment

Now it's time to MAXIMize the Moment!

Tori Silverman is my best friend. She's practically my other half. Even though we look nothing alike, people sometimes mix up our names because we're always together. We're been friends for so long that even our families are close friends. We call each other's parents "Mom" and "Dad."

Normally, Tori is carefree and happy, but today she looks just miserable-so sad that she's practically in a daze. When I ask her what's wrong, I can hardly believe the answer. Tori's dad is moving out. She tells me that he's been seeing some woman at work for months now and he finally told Mrs. Silverman about it because he's planning on moving in with the other woman.

I am stunned when I hear the news. The Silvermans always seemed like such a solid family. There've been a bunch of times when I thought my parents might break up, but I would have never imagined that Tori's parents would.

A million thoughts race through my mind. What should I say? How can I make her feel better? My heart is aching at the thought of all she must be going through. Maybe I should try to make her laugh. Or I could talk about other things to get her mind off everything.

Then I think of something my mother said to me last year when Uncle Jack died. I didn't really know Jack well, but I felt really bad for my cousin, Sara. I didn't know how to help her because I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a parent.

"Honey," my mom said, "compassion means that you are willing to suffer with another person. Just allowing Sara to be sad right now will do more for her than you could ever know. You want to see her beautiful smile again, to hear her laugh like everything is okay. But, everything is not okay. If she has to pretend like it is, she's going to feel more alone than she already does. The best thing that you can do for her is to let her feel pain and to have the courage to share that pain. She needs your compassion. Right now, she needs you to be strong enough to suffer with her."

I realize that my mother's words apply here as well. Even though no one has died, Tori is grieving and I need to do what I can to help her. I don't want her to carry this burden alone. It will be hard, but I want do what is right for her because "Compassion means you are willing to suffer with another person."

This week's maxim is "Compassion means you are willing to suffer with another person."

Teacher Information

Maxim

  • "Compassion means you are willing to suffer with another person."
    Anonymous

Featured character trait

  • Compassion-I am willing to share the joys and pains of others.

Character points (for substitution if this week's trait isn't one of your school's core values)

  • Empathy - I try to understand others by looking at the world through their eyes.
  • Caring - I help others because the concerns of others are important to me.
  • Sensitivity - I am aware of the wants and needs of those around me.
  • Concern - I seek to help others; I do what is best for them, not just what is easiest for me.
  • Support - I give help when I can and in ways that others need.

Discussion starters / journal writing prompts

  • When you are going through a difficult time, how would you like others to show their support?
  • How do you communicate those needs to others?
  • Is it more difficult to be a good friend during good times or times of struggle? Why?
  • Why do you think it is so hard to watch others suffer?
  • Many people have a difficult time even asking someone who is grieving how he/she is doing. Why do you think something so simple might be uncomfortable for people?
  • Often people who are grieving say that they feel isolated by their pain. Why do you think that is?
  • How can you help someone who is grieving to feel less alone?
  • Very painful experiences in life are sometimes called life's "little deaths." What are some of difficult experiences for which you might use that term?
  • Do you agree with using this term? Explain why you think it is or is not appropriate.

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