MAXIMize the Moment Volume 1, Issue 9

"Janelle, maybe you and your friends shouldn't give each other gifts this year. It's sweet how generous you all are, but you should save your money," says my mother.

"But, Mom, I like getting fun stuff for everyone. Besides, what's the point of having an afterschool job if I can't spend my money on the people I care about?"

"Really, Janelle, it's not such a good idea this year."

"Mom, what are you trying to get at? Is something else going on?"

"Jan, I didn't want to tell you, but Cindy's dad got laid off. I know that you all enjoy doing nice things for each other, but Cindy's family needs her help right now. She doesn't have any extra money to buy gifts for friends."

I am more than a little in shock. "Mom, that's awful. Poor Cindy. I can't imagine how tough that must be. Why she didn't tell any of us? We really don't care about the gifts. Cindy doesn't need to buy us anything, but we'd all still like to get her stuff."

"Janelle, maybe Cindy has a reason for not telling you. You have to respect that—even if you don't understand."

"But, Mom, I'd really like to help."

"Janelle, how you serve others can be as important as that you serve. It's wonderful that you want to help Cindy, but you have to be aware of how she wants to be helped. Think on this a while…sometimes how you serve others can be as important as that you serve."

I leave, wondering what in the world my mother was talking about. Isn't helping people enough?! Now I need to devise some brilliant plan to do it.

When I see Cindy at school, she looks as if nothing has happened. If I hadn't talked to my mother, I wouldn't have known anything was troubling her. And I still don't know why she doesn't want to us to know. We'd all be understanding and try to help out.

But that's not the point. I have to respect her reasons. If I want to help her—which I do—it's going to have to be on her terms. If I were in her shoes, maybe I'd feel exactly like she does.

"Hi, everyone," I say as we all walk to first period together. "I have a great idea. Usually, we each spend hours shopping for presents for one another. This year, we're all so busy with work, and boyfriends and school; none of us needs one more obligation in her life. Let's just plan to spend some time together instead. If Saturday works for everyone, then all that's left to decide is what videos we're going to watch and what kind of ice cream to buy."

After I'm done talking, I glance over at Cindy. She has a carefully concealed glint of relief shining in her eyes. Suddenly, I'm so thankful to my mother for her words of wisdom. And I feel good about myself—not just because I was able to help a friend, but because I respected her. From now on, I'll remember that how I serve can be as important as that I serve.

This week's maxim is "How you serve can be as important as that you serve."

Teacher Information

Maxim

• "How you serve can be as important as that you serve."
  Anonymous

Featured character trait

• Compassion — I am able to feel with another person, rather than for them.

Character points (for substitution if this week's trait isn't one of your school's core values)

• Respect — I acknowledge and value the innate dignity of each person.
• Love — I care for others and try to do what is best for them.
• Empathy — I am able to see the world through others' eyes and feel what they are feeling.
• Caring — I value the wants and needs of others; I try to help them as best I can.
• Service — I want to help others and try my best to do so; I try to understand the needs of others and help to meet those needs.

Discussion starters / journal writing prompts

• Do you think that Janelle would still have been a good friend if she had quietly told the rest of the girls about Cindy's situation, so that they would be more understanding?
• If Janelle had simply ignored the information about Cindy and continued on as if nothing had happened, would she be demonstrating true friendship for Cindy?
• Should Janelle have tried to talk with Cindy about Cindy's family situation?
• Why was Janelle's way of helping Cindy so compassionate?
• What are other ways that Janelle might help Cindy that would still be compassionate towards Cindy?
• In what ways was Janelle being a good friend to Cindy?
• What do you think it means to be compassionate?
• How is compassion different than pity?
• In what ways is it different than sympathy?
• What are some other qualities of being a "good servant?"
• Just how important is it that we not only serve others, but also that we serve others in a caring and compassionate way?
• Is it better to not serve at all or to serve poorly?
• What are some things to keep in mind (to help us serve others in a way that is kind and keeps their best interests at heart) when we are serving?